Source: The Care Guide

By 2011, Canada will have more than 1.3 million citizens over the age of 80. As Canada's aging population continues to grow, many families are facing the 'sandwich situation', having to care both for aging relatives and for young children.

Talking to senior relatives about housing can be difficult for both families and seniors. “For seniors and their families, discussing housing alternatives can be a sensitive topic,” says Derek Mercey, vice president, The Care Guide. “This can make it a difficult conversation, given the emotional issues involved. Family members often experience feelings of guilt, anger and sadness, while their senior relative may experience loss of autonomy, loss of privacy and feelings of helplessness. How the discussion is handled can make a huge difference to the outcome.”

The top ten things families should consider when discussing a change in housing arrangements for a senior relative, as outlined by The Care Guide are:

1. Focus on the senior's comfort and not the impact on the family.
2. Keep emotion out of the process as much as possible. Stick to facts and practicalities.
3. Bring a trusted, objective third-party into the discussion to moderate, such as a health care professional, a religious figure or a community care case worker.
4. Don't hold the conversation after some kind of an 'incident' as emotions tend to be high. Choose an appropriate time and a neutral location.
5. Designate one family member as the 'point person' for the discussions and for follow-up action that needs to be taken. Select someone who has a strong, stable relationship with the person in question.
6. Keep in mind that this is a frightening and disorienting experience for many seniors. Be clear on your objectives, be patient and do your best not to argue or make justifications. Take time outs if necessary.
7. Develop a personal list of wants and needs on both sides so that the best housing option fit can be analyzed. Make a list of all possible outcomes and compare the pros and cons of each.
8. Do a cost analysis and research two or three residences you feel may best suit your senior relative's needs that are within the budget.
9. Consider suggesting short-term, overnight trial-stays at residences of interest as a way to “test the waters”.
10. Focus on the quality of your future relationship with your senior relative. Remind them that you have their best interest at heart.

For seniors:

1. Make a list of pros and cons for your current living situation and for possible outcomes.
2. Make a list of the most important things for you in a living setting. Distinguish between wants and needs wherever possible, taking into consideration financial and health issues/concerns.
3. Recognize that residences have changed from those of the past. Today residences are bright and filled with amenities to satisfy your comforts and needs.
4. Be open to change, which is harder as we age!
5. Remember that in the end, this is your decision and you need to be happy with it!
6. Realize that all of us age and we need to deal with the present and future realities of aging as directly as we can.
7. Know that this conversation and decision is just as difficult and sensitive for your children as it is for you.
8. Educate yourself. Visit two or three residences in your community and speak with current residents about their experiences in the residence.
9. Recognize that an alternative housing arrangement may alleviate many of the day to day worries to allow you to maximize the quality of time you have with your spouse, children, grandchildren and friends.
10. Plan ahead - discussing your housing options with family members will be much easier if you've already put some thought into it.