Very few families have an interaction that makes decisions like yours a snap. Emotions stemming from childhood often form part of the dynamic between siblings, and that can be difficult.

Choose the setting
If your brothers and sister live nearby, then you can get them together to discuss the issue in person at your convenience. If not, schedule a meeting when you do get together, regardless of the damper that it may put on the occasion. Christmas, for example.

Explain that your mother’s and your own wellbeing are important, things are not easy for you, and the subject has to be addressed by everyone. After all, you all want a say. Try hosting the meeting somewhere other than your house – a church meeting room, community centre meeting room or an empty restaurant. This makes the meeting more formal, tougher to walk out of and separates everyone from feelings attached to your family surroundings. At the very least make sure that your mother is elsewhere!

Moderation
If you are a religious family, you might ask your pastor, priest etc. to moderate the meeting and bring everyone back to earth should emotions run high. If you are not religious, a trusted contemporary of your mother’s could fill the same role.

Know your Options
Nobody likes to choose from a grand total of one option. Put forward several options, which could include having your mother live with a sibling for half the year, residence in a care facility near you or a facility near them, living in a nearby apartment with help or nursing care for some or all of the day, and others. Having some idea of the costs associated will help as well.

Put a Price on your Time
Your quality of life and enjoyment are obviously suffering. Work out how many hours per week you spend taking care of your mother. I know this is difficult, because it is likely all mixed up with the rest of your life. Put a price on your time. An average wage for a basic caregiver in Canada hovers around the $10/hour mark, depending on the quality of care needed and other specifics. I’ll bet that it adds up to quite a few dollars every week.

Make a List
Make a list of the opportunities that you have missed (dinners out; vacations; weekend activities) and have this list handy for your brothers and sisters. No one can dispute the sacrifices that you make on a daily basis when they are written down!

Talking in generalities about such a touchy issue may not get you anywhere, but if you are well prepared and determined to find a solution, your brothers and sister will recognize this and work with you to come to an equitable solution.