How is it that some people stay spry and
healthy, sharp and happy into their 80s and beyond, while others seem
to go downhill as soon as they reach retirement age? A lot of it has to
do with extracurricular activities formed much earlier – exercise,
social life and interests – but some of that resilience in old age has
to do with a willingness to enjoy life. Sometimes people need a little
help figuring out what has come between them and happiness.
My
grandmother lived alone until her mid-eighties, and was always active
and cheerful, taking walks, keeping up with her children and
grandchildren, driving like the little old lady from Pasadena, and
reading the newspaper every day. Round about her 83rd birthday we began
to notice some sadness creeping into her bright, cheery manner. A very
independent woman, she was always good at projecting a cheery image,
but at times it was obviously an act.
We tried
in vain to find out what was bothering her. We finally clued in when
she started talking more and more about siblings and friends that had
passed away. Despite family attention, she had become lonely. I know
that when my grandmother reached her 85th birthday, she had been
widowed for 8 years and most of her friends and siblings had already
passed away. There is often no way to fill the voids left by your
peers.
As she began to have difficulty with
stairs and gave up driving due to failing vision, the family brought up
the subject of assisted housing. She dug her heels in at first, but saw
the merits of it eventually. Once she made up her mind to make the jump
to assisted housing, we saw that she perked right up, and began to gear
up for the move. Pretty soon she had new friends – of her own age –
right down the hall.
If your loved one is
losing their luster, don’t wait to see if it will pass. Find out what’s
causing them to feel down, and take steps to correct this. Growing old
can involve many stresses that lead to depression. By ‘depression’,
we’re not talking about clinical depression and depressive disorders,
which involve biochemical factors, but a general sadness or
listlessness, which could eventually lead to clinical depression.
Depression is not normal at any age, and is a bonafide medical
condition.
Some people have trouble making the
transition from working full time to not working at all. In that case,
the answer may be to change careers instead of retiring. Legions of
seniors across Canada volunteer their time on a full time or part time
basis. Others turn their hobbies into careers. An advertising executive
retired and set up a canoe paddle making workshop. He always loved
working with wood and the business provides extra income, which can be
important now that Canadian seniors regularly live well into their 80s
and 90s.
Less fortunate are those that have
been forced to retire because of health problems or disabilities. This
is not easy to get over, but the right environment can do wonders. Lack
of mobility, either due to physical illness, or loss of driving
privileges, can result in social isolation and loneliness. A change of
environment may be just the thing. There is such a range of options
open these days – from living in a split independent/assisted housing
environment to full care facilities – that the only limiting factors
are the enormity of making the decision to move, proximity to family or
friend, and the cost.
A prolonged ‘low’ is a
danger signal and ought to be acted upon. People who are not happy
don’t take care of themselves as well as those who are, and the risk is
that they will lose some of the independence they have. Aside from the
obvious cost to the individual’s freedom, more support is more
expensive. Living independently is less expensive than assisted living,
which in turn is less expensive than a nursing home, and so on. Stay
tuned in to how your loved ones are feeling, and act quickly to correct
any sustained emotional lows.